August, 2004

… finally I arrived in the Basement… The bats were gone, and so was the skeleton that came to life when I foolishly opened the Wardrobe of Doom on the main level in search for a carpet cleaning detergent…

“Ah , the Basement …” I thought, “the laws of physics no longer apply here…” Quietly I walked 4 steps forwards into an almost complete darkness brightened only by a lonely bulb of light hanging on a wire somewhere in the distance… The musk of Dryer Sheets and Cat Pee was overwhelming… I turned 90 degrees to the right, there it was… the Fridge of Obstruction… The LAST obstacle on my quest to gather the Little Green Carpet Cleaning Machine and become the triumphant and undisputable king of the deposits of the carpet cleaning detergent…

According to the previously received information (see Tomb Raider 12, Philosophy of Where Things Are in This Place Called HOME) there had to be a niche just behind the Fridge… I backed up a little, standing in front of the Fridge, spread my legs trying to get as much support as possible for the upcoming gargantuan task of trying to move the fucker… I moaned as I 've began pushing the Fridge into the cavern behind it. The Fridge made a terrible sound as it was being moved over the rough, unfinished floor of the Basement… Every muscle in my body demanded I stopped pushing the Fridge of Obstruction and just gave up the ridiculously impossible one way or another idea of cleaning the carpets on level 2…

inch by inch, however… I noticed an entrance to another cavern, another 90 degrees to the right! It was cleverly hidden undearneath the strairs leading to the level 1! The entrance was very small, and very close the ground… I knew that even with my girlish figure i would only barely fit in this narrow opening… “Good thing i passed on that last doughnut,” I though…

I cleaned the sweat off my forehead, cursing even more at the stupidity of this arrangement… pushing and moaning and perspiring, however, I failed to notice the stakes of ornament paper located on top of the Fridge, glistening dangerously with their… glittery wrapping paper ornaments… Upon my attempts to move the fridge I realized in panic that I must have enabled some ancient mechanism of The Tribe of Parents, because the rolls of ornament paper started to roll towards me, hitting me in the head , pow, ka-pow,… I howled…

Fortunately my last MED kit which I had wisely kept till this instance helped me out in this difficult moment of trial… “nothing can stop me now” I thought…

and I was right… The Fridge of Obstruction disappeared entirely in its niche… I had to crouch, turn 90 degrees to the right in order to face the newly found cave with treasures and… BINGO… the Little Green Carpet Cleaning Machine and detergent deposits glowed in the darkness…

With the last ounce of what has remained of my strength I grabbed the machine with all my might and slowly stared to make my way out, to the Basement, hoping that the Fridge of Obstruction would not cut my only exit before I'm completely out with the crap from the hole…I mean the treasure… This time I was lucky, the Tribe Of Parents prepared no mroe unpleasant surprises… So, with no unforeseen obstacles I was back out. The bulb of light was still hanging somewhere in the distance on some wire…

The quest was completed, I could finally start cleaning the carpets after the dreadful week of painting and crap falling on my head…

(c) 2004, shpakoo
THIS IS RATED R (BRIEF NUDITY and OBSCENE LANGUAGE)
Tomb Raider is a registered trademark and a property of its owner (not shpakoo)…
shpakoo is in no way affiliated with Tomb Raider franchise, aside from an occasional playing of the game and staring at the boobs of Lara Croft, which are also a registered trademark of its owner…
I would like to dedicated this chapter to the manufacturers of Cheap Paint found in Walmart… may you GO TO HELL for ETERNAL ROTTING… or better yet for ETERNAL PAINTING WITH YOUR OWN PAINTS !

I guess I've done all I could… I'm off to play some DOOM3 and then to create even greater (though purchasing) havoc at our new and shiny IKEA, New Haven 🙂

sh

I've just sent applications to GEOS and AEOnet … now its just a matter of time before I'll get no response whatsoever indicating a bit fat NO…

sh

Oden came out great 🙂 heheheheheh
though I don't know if my two friends were tooo thrilled to find out what I had brought them… what is it with America and this strange phobia of boiled eggs and fish products???
time for bed… painting yet again postponed…
… I might have had too much to drink last night at the b-day party… its some 14 hours later, and I'm only beginning to recover…

so FRIGHTFULLY cold tonight, and nobody to cuddle with… only my cats… the precious…
sh